life indefinite

The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron

2011-06-21T19:45:00.003-04:00

At the suggestion of artist Melinda Esparza, who was a student in one of the poetry classes I taught at UofA when I was a grad student and with whom I recently connected, I started reading The Artist's Way. I think since I was 16, different wonderful people in my life have suggested it to me over the years. However, I was always so driven to write that I saw no need for it. Over the past few years, though, I've put less and less of a priority on writing, making it more and more difficult to write poetry that satisfies me.

I sat down and read the introductory pages and most of the Week 1 section just this weekend, and I can't believe how much it's already helped me to be more emotionally and creatively open. I've been doing the morning pages, but the morning pages seem to just be a gateway to other writing that I inevitable actually want to do during the day and evening. I haven't actually wanted to write for a while, it seems. I've felt obligated to write, but I haven't felt an actual desire to do it for a long time.

The Artist's Way seems to be helping me work through certain misconceptions I've created in my head about writing and what writing means to me. It's helping me to put all that baggage down and just write.

Songs of a Honeybee, by Akira Togawa

2011-06-08T17:52:00.002-04:00

It's finally summer, so I've had some time to read things besides student papers again. I'm about 2/3 through my great uncle's book, Songs of a Honeybee, with final translations by my mom's cousin, Glenn Togawa. I'm just relishing every moment of the book, as I get to learn about my great uncle and more about my family history. He tends to write about everyday worries, personal insecurities, different ways of trying to be a better person and lead a good life. I feel like a lot of my poems focus on large events in my life, and I often forget that the most wonderful poem could just as easily come from something that I experience every day.

"Inspired" by Myung Mi Kim's Penury

2010-06-28T17:03:00.002-04:00

I usually hate the word "inspired" when it comes to talking about poetry. I tend to think of writing as less of what happens after I'm inspired and more of what happens when I decide to engage in some intense work. Bryan and I were just talking about this today, actually, when I told him I'd decided to start putting in some hours in terms of writing more, much more. Writing takes time, practice and patience. I know that reading always helps me write better, so I brought Robert Hass's new book with me, as well as Myung Mi Kim's Penury. I ended up reading all of Penury and just taking short breaks to write a bit.

I seem to always write more effectively after reading Kim's work or listening to her read. I think it's related to the space that she leaves for her reader. As I read her work, it's as if she's carving out little windows and doors in my brain and inviting me to take a breath of fresh air, look at my surroundings from different viewpoints, and notice what is right in front of me but what I keep forgetting is there.

So, here I go, off to try some more writing.

Awaiting Robert Hass's The Apple Trees at Olema: New and Selected Poems (from Ecco)

2010-02-07T13:45:00.002-05:00

Taking a break from grading homework and preparing for classes this week, I politely scooted a man out of my way, so I could snatch up the latest Poetry at B and N. I have really enjoyed the shift in leadership at Poetry and have been deciding on some poems to try sending in to them.

The profound delight, awe, and ecstatic anticipation that came over me when I saw Robert Hass's name in the Table of Contents shocked me. At the same time, I very quickly remembered all the crazy happiness I had felt when Sun Under Wood had come out--this is after I had already become a fan, I think at the suggestion of one of my favorite teachers at UC Santa Cruz, Chuck Atkinson. Reading Hass's poem in Poetry made me remember some of the rhythms in Sun Under Wood. Some of the repetition made me think of... I can't think of the title of the poem now, but it's the one with the arum leaves in it, and the ringing and the singing.

Hass's bio says his new book is coming out in March. I can't wait.

I'm reading at Casa Libre for the Edge series

2009-12-20T13:18:00.004-05:00

I'll be reading my recent work for the Edge reading series at Casa Libre en la Solana on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, at 7:30PM, along with Will Pewitt and Christopher Stevens.

Casa Libre en la Solana is located at 228 N. 4th Avenue, #2, in Tucson.

Beauty of the Sestina

2009-02-12T12:47:00.004-05:00

I've been working on a sestina for about six days now, and I'm quickly remembering how forms help me to describe situations in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. I'm usually afraid of making metaphors and similes, because I'm just not confident that I can make effective, non-cliched ones. However, whenever I write sestinas, a metaphor always gets in there; even more significant is that I actually try to develop it and allow it to flourish.

I guess the ironic thing is that I'm so paranoid about writing down some overused simile or metaphor... or idiom (which, actually, are often similes)... and even saying them that when I'm asked to say them, I can't always get them right. Sharon, Amber, and I were doing a writing exercise that had to begin with a cliche. I think I said, "Oh, apples and oranges" and "When cows fly," both of which I think allude to cliches but aren't quite. I heard someone make a mistake on an NPR interview. She said that "everyone has a shadow in their closet." I started cracking up, though I thought the idea was interesting, since you generally can only have a shadow in your closet if the door is open, which would defeat the meaning of the "skeleton in the closet" since it's not hidden, but which also evokes the idea of some kind of other self.

Back to the original reason for this post. I've been trying to find my way back to writing poetry at the level that I think I used to write. I've been having trouble. I think the sestina is helping, though. This predetermined structure seems to be helping me break out of this older mold I've been stuck in.

How I Saved a Scorpion

2009-01-14T13:20:00.007-05:00

I saw the title of my next blog entry in my head: "I killed a scorpion." I saw other things, too, like what the scorpion would look like writhing under the broomstick handle, a partially crushed little guy still trying to sting anything, and even my own hands shaking after killing my own zodiac sign. So, after standing there in a partial daze, holding the broomstick like a little threat in front of the equally dazed arachnid, I ran into my writing room (also the bunny room now), grabbed an empty plastic jar that usually holds timothy hay cubes, and returned to find... no scorpion in sight.

After moving a few things with the tip of the broom stick, I found him (or her) under Bryan's cordless drill charger, and then I screamed. :) And then, I used a dust pan to shuffle the little guy into the jar and quickly screwed on the lid.

There's a nice, large area of desert near our place, so I was able to take a flashlight and my jar and let him out there. Hopefully, he'll find some food and a cool rock to inch under. He's good; I'm good. I think this experience helped both scorpions living in my near vicinity and myself. After watching the little guy try not to get into the jar and try not to step onto the dust pan, I'm a lot less afraid of scorpions in general. He kept trying to play dead, I think, and he never tried to strike at anything; he just wanted to be left alone.

Since October, when I saw my first scorpion (outside of the Desert Museum) in person, hanging out in our kitchen, I knew my fears were unjustified and mainly based on the way scorpions look. Where's the head?--I mean, I know where it is, but since it's not "head-shaped" with a nice neck, it looks kinda headless. Headless things are scary things... or so I thought. Now that I've seen a scorpion up close--really up close--and interacted with one, I actually kinda like them. And I have much more respect for them. Yay, scorpions. Oh, here's what he looked like:

photo by Matt Reinbold

What's My Inspira-a-tion?

2008-08-31T00:40:00.006-04:00

I can't help but remember that at one point I did feel "inspired" to write. I generally hate it when people talk about being inspired, because it makes it sound so easy to be a poet. I think it's hard. I don't just get "inspired" and then let the words flow.

The words don't flow. Not usually, anyway. They kinda randomly spill out like legos or slightly hardened globs of Play-Doh. And then I shove, stick, and mush them into different configurations using whatever skills I've picked up from other poets along the way, and then somehow I decide it's done. Or as a poet once said, it's abandoned.

When I was younger, before I went to school for poetry, my main poet inspirations were William Blake and Robert Frost. However, I also believe that Toad the Wet Sprocket was a major influence. I listened to All I Want, Hold Her Down, and Butterflies soooo many times on my little Sony Walkman. I think the songs evoked a lot of emotions within me that I spent most of my days trying to supress. I was rather quietly and ashamedly dealing with deceit and abuse, and those songs were almost like an introduction to therapy, in that they allowed me to actually feel.

I think I sound angry at poetry right now. After teaching so many freshmen composition and advanced writing for various professions classes, it's like I've lost my ear for music. What's funny is that when I say music, I'm really thinking of the rhythms of poetry, but when I think of the rawness or vulnerability of content, I'm thinking of Toad and other lyrics I've enjoyed over the years.

Lately, I've been listening to Cold Play--mainly Viva La Vida and Fix You--and I think it may be helping.

Mochihead

2008-06-26T10:12:00.002-04:00

http://www.mochihead.com is what I've been up to lately (besides getting ready for summer school, not writing, writing a little, exercising more, etc.).

Saturday

2007-04-30T16:43:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, we met up with some friends in Davis Square and watched "Strange Culture," which is about artist/activist Steve Kurtz. It was part of the Boston indi film festival.

Jefferson Carter and Glenn Mott

2007-04-27T12:09:00.000-04:00

Right now, I'm reading Sentimental Blue, by Jefferson Carter, and Analects on a Chinese Screen, by Glenn Mott. Charles (Alexander, of course :) ) sent me a nice bunch of new Chax books, so I guess they will be my summer reading. Right now, I've read half of both Sentimental and Analects.

One thing I'm especially enjoying about Analects on a Chinese Screen is the... flow... for lack of a better word. My own poetry tends to be so confined, in a way, so it's refreshing to read poems that don't seem to have rigid edges. By "edges," I think I mean a number of things: one obvious agenda; a beginning and ending on every page, though there are both on some pages; every grammar rule abided, etc. I don't know who wrote the book's description on the back cover, but it says, "Analects on a Chinese Screen is a collection of selected writings, miscellany, and passages whose subject is China," and that "the 'I' of Analects refers to a protean self." In the last few years, I feel like my poetry has been relying heavily on delivering a message, and my writing process has been about "supporting an argument"--that is sooo messed up. I mean, I write poetry, not essays!

Teaching at Northeastern University is great. I agree with the philosophy of the program, and the director of the Writing Program and director of the First-Year Writing Program are so supportive and also very down-to-earth. I sooo enjoy teaching, and my students have been great. Our text and the essay prompts that are included in it challenge the students to reflect upon their own presumptions and biases--about writing, reading, people different from themselves...

but the GRAMMAR is getting to me! And the ESSAY form is getting to me. I've been branching out, having them read Gloria Anzaldua's "How to Tame a Wild Tongue," and having them right hybrid texts (for one essay), but I still need to teach grammar rules... and I LOVE GRAMMAR, it seems. It appeals to some part of my mind that yearns for the simplicity of black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. And yet, that way of thinking is so hurtful to my process as a poet.

Agh!

I'm enjoying the wit and sensitivity in Jefferson Carter's Sentimental Blue. I'm also loving the vivid images. The second poem in the book, "Strep Throat," depicts his dog as it "scuttles/ down the hall," wondering where he is. It made me think Apollo, our little one-year-old black cat, who we found sitting on Dale Ernhart, Jr. Blvd. in North Carolina. Apollo--he was so lost and so little. We had to feed him with a syringe at first. And now, he thinks I'm his mother. He's always looking for me. Carter also has this great image of... you know, it would actually be really lame of me to talk more about his images. I mean, it would do the poems a great disservice. And I ought to actually go read more of them, instead of writing about my memories of them.

Favorite Poetry Books (National Poetry Month)

2007-04-03T10:13:00.000-04:00

It's National Poetry Month, so I thought I ought to start blogging again. Lists sound do-able right now, so here it goes:

10 of My Favorite Poetry Books of ALL TIME
(from off the top of my head)
in no particular order

1. Shakespeare's Sonnets

2. Unbearable Heart, by Kimiko Hahn

3. The Tyrant of the Past and the Slave of the Future, by Christopher Davis

4. Paramour, by Stacy Doris (krupskaya)

5. Ring of Fire, by Lisa Jarnot

6. Poeta en San Francisco, by Barbara Jane Reyes

7. Dictee, by Theresa Hak Kyung Cha

8. Crazy Melon and Chinese Apple, by Frances Chung

9. Tremble, by C.D. Wright

10.Selected Poems, by Alice Notley

Standing here because it's fun

2006-11-08T16:17:00.000-05:00

"Watch out for the circle," I told the man who had the front part of his shoe on the non-rotating part of the Green Line train and the back part on the rotating part.

"Oh," he said, looking down and moving his foot. "Thanks." Then, addressing his wife, he explained how the circle does not turn when the train turns.

I smiled at them and said, "I'm just standing here for fun." I know this sounds like an Ah...Sigh... moment, but why not tell it anyway? I just started thinking about how I'm glad I still do things just because they're fun. Like making up songs about driving in the car while driving in the car or eating the latest in candy inventions (like Sweet Tarts from a tube), little activities that serve no other purpose than to bring some joy into some part of my mind or body are important to me. I was a little afraid when I turned 30, because it seemed so serious, compared to being in one's 20's. But, 30 is looking pretty good to me so far.

Small, but it flies.

2005-12-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

Janeway Explains It All
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Well, at least Captain Janeway thinks it does, after reading its name: DELTA MINI. But the truth is that it doesn't fly, it doesn't resemble the original Delta Flyer, but it's a good little place to relax while the humans get settled into their new abode.

Bunnies Are Patient

2005-12-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

Waiting
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

It's true, at least for my bunnies. Captain Janeway and Chakotay waited patiently as I put together a new fun home for them.

First Snow 2006

2005-12-05T14:29:00.000-05:00

First Snow 2006
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Here is a pretty sight, right in front of our place.

First Snow 2006

2005-12-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Snowy trees
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

It snowed all day yesterday here in Massachusetts. I took this picture this morning.

New New New!

2005-12-02T13:13:00.000-05:00

1. I like blue.
2. My book came out in October :)
3. Amber says I should write on my blog that I'm going to send them a poem before our next writing group to ensure that I'll actually do it.
4. Wild turkeys hung out near our apartment, until a week before Thanksgiving.
5. Hi. I'm glad you enjoy reading my blog. Sorry I've been gone so long.
6. I've been making books and thinking about family and the holidays.
7. I've been reading chapters of Bryan's novel and giving him feedback.
8. I keep dreaming of snow.

Coming soon: new pictures of the bunnies!

Books I made!

2005-08-05T14:39:00.000-04:00

Books I made!
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

The last day of the bookmaking class at Artspace was Monday. I'm so excited because now I can make my own journals. I also made a photo album for our pictures from France.

The book that's standing up on the right is for my cousin. I put a beautiful poem by Frances Chung on the bottom right corner.

Communication Returns

2005-07-25T13:58:00.000-04:00

annecy_view.JPG
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Recently:
+ returned from trip to Orange County to spend time with my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and new niece and to also look for wedding locations

+ returned from trip to Annecy, France

annecy_canal.JPG
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

+ started taking a Bookmaking class at ArtSpace in Raleigh.

+ began communicating with friends over email and by phone again

+ got to hang out with Amber for a day and a half and she got to sleep in the Murphy Bed that Bryan and I made for two nights

+ was pleased by some of the poetry I found in Calyx, which I received in the mail a few days ago

My Bad Vocabulary

2005-05-18T12:59:00.000-04:00

I would say that my vocabulary is limited. I hated reading when I was younger. If I read anything that wasn't for a book report, it was usually a Choose Your Own Adventure book. I didn't get into the "high" English class in 8th grade because of (they say) vocabulary tests.

Although I've improved it over the years, it seems like I still have trouble accessing it sometimes. Thankfully, in recent months, it's been a bit easier. I think part of my brain had to be turned off when I was working retail. There was a limited selection of sentences I would need to say every day, simply because I was doing the exact same thing every day and also saying a limited number of variations of the same sales pitch. Yes, I tried to make it interesting, and I did enjoy non-fine-watch conversation with customers... and actually, one customer thanked me for teaching him the word "minimalist" when talking about Rado watches... but still, after the brief excitement of learning the language of retail, fine watches and jewelry, and also the office workplace, it was pretty linguistically boring.

Now that I've been out of that atmosphere for awhile, words are trickling in a bit more easily. Curiously enough, I've also learned a lot of words, or have been able to access some words more consistently, by playing Text Twist on my Palm. Bryan's vocabulary is much more well-rounded than mine, so I've also learned lots of words from him, as well as Southern or East Coast or places-where-it-is-cold-and-it-snows coloquial terms.

Bunny Update #10: The Flying Fur

2005-05-13T16:05:00.000-04:00

House rabbits need their nails cut monthly, or else they could grow too long and even grow back into their skin. So, today was yet another episode in the nail-cutting saga.

Captain Janeway: For some reason, I cannot get the Captain into a bunny trance. Still, I have to lay her in my lap on her back in order to trim her nails; she's always very stubborn and determined to escape. She also always pulls her paws away, as if I cut her quick, even though I never have. Somehow, I got away with no scratches on my arms; and the Captain even came back for a treat.

Chakotay: Since Chakotay started out with an owner other than myself, he's really calm for trimmings. He just sits there and generally doesn't try to get away. He's is also so sweet in that he likes to snuggle his face up into my neck. He sat with me a while even after I finished with his nails.

Me: I swear I get more allergic to the rabbits every day. The past two times I've cut there nails, I walk away with spots on my neck. They go away quickly, but they are itchy and annoying.

The bunnies will soon get knew carpet in their cave.

Taking Words for Granted

2005-05-11T13:03:00.000-04:00

I want to remember that poetry is everywhere. Although there were many things I disliked about that movie, "Shakespeare in Love," I loved the scene where Shakespeare is walking down a busy street, where there are merchants and random passersby, and you hear different lines from his plays pop out from various conversations. The words sound profound and beautiful, and yet they are simply words spoken every day by common people.

When I worked in retail for the past few years, I could not see poetry everywhere. Well, I could, but I had to train myself to be blind to it. In some ways, to me, poetry is about resisting the luxury of taking words for granted. The language of sales is unapologetically manipulative; and the language of a retail workplace is unapologetically hierarchical and, where I worked, patriarchal. This was my 40 hours per week. This was how I paid my medical bills, how I got health insurance, and how I fed and housed myself and my rabbits. I needed it, and I needed to be blind to the irresponsible use of language that I witnessed and practiced every weekday.

But today is different. Today, I have the luxury of making no compromises to my understanding of the world around me. Writing about my daily life will not endanger my ability to take care of my basic needs. There were times in the past few years that I would sit down and write about my work routine, the things I said to people while selling things, etc.; but it would make me so angry and frustrated that I would want to quit my job. Even though today I am in a happy place, a healthy place, I am still locked into that partially blinded mode. When I sit down to write, I'm not thinking about today or even yesterday. I'm thinking about a situation from the past or the strange occurrences in my brain ;), but nothing of the present. I need to remember to incorporate the present into my poetry. I think this is the only way to move beyond the mindset that made it almost impossible for me to write for the last few years.

I just started reading Kaia Sand's interval. It's been inspiring for me to read. She came to San Francisco about a year ago, and I saw her read for Small Press Traffic, along with Rae Armantrout. Kaia's reading was so moving, passionate, smart, responsible, and many more wonderful adjectives. It is grounded in the everyday and also critical of it. I'll probably finish reading this today.

New(s)

2005-05-05T10:33:00.000-04:00

What's new: I've started experimenting with woodcuts and linocuts.
Great news: I wrote a poem that I like!
What else is new: My friend, Kenny, just told me that he did a workshop with Catalina Cariaga a few weeks ago. Ah! I love her work.

Story, Behn, Slugs

2005-05-03T18:05:00.000-04:00

Just started reading CUE: A Journal of Prose Poetry. I was excited to find some poets that looked interesting and different to me; I've been doing some research to find more about them. They are Julia Story and Robin Behn. Story also has some interesting poems online at Octopus Magazine, edited by Zachary Schomburg & Tony Tost. Morgan (CUE editor) also has a really great interview with Karen Volkman. It made me think I'd like her work, but I haven't checked it out yet.

I'm sluggish and need to exercise.

Kundiman doesn't want me

2005-04-26T15:13:00.000-04:00

I got rejected from Kundiman Asian American Poets' Retreat for the second year in a row. Many feelings: angry, indignant, hurt, misplaced, alienated, confused, cut-off, denied, alone... I've gotten rejected from literary journals and contests, but this is different. This is a conference whose name describes me, an Asian American Poet. And it's not as though I can just go and try to get into another Asian American Poet's retreat. This is it! This is the only one! Wah! :( I got the letter on Friday and I cried.

It's as if there was a retreat called, "Women Named Heather Who are Five Foot Two and a Half, Have Pet Rabbits Named After 'Star Trek: Voyager' Characters, and Who Once Accidentally Licked Frosty Paws (Dog Ice Cream) Off of Their Fingers," and I was rejected. "But that's me," I'd protest. "That's me!"

Writing Group & Writing Regularly

2005-04-21T08:37:00.000-04:00

Amber, Sharon and I have been doing our writing group regularly again, after a hiatus due to sickness, vacations, etc. Last night, we did an exercise called "In Multiple Frames" from the Virtual Poetry Workshop site. After using just about every interesting exercise we could find from poetry books, the web, and our creative little minds, the Virtual Poetry Workshop seems to be the best place to find new ways of creating poems.

Something I realized a few nights ago is that I have been writing a lot more than I'd thought. I think this is common for me--where I'll be complaining to a friend about how I haven't been writing, and when they ask me when the last time was that I wrote, I'll stumble a bit and then say, a few days ago. Tuesday night, I couldn't go to sleep, so I decided to get up and write. I opened a document that I thought was a poem I had started, only to find that I had actually gone pretty far with it; it was already in eight sections. I love it when this happens. So, I revised it that night and yesterday. Sharon and Amber will take a look at it and give me feedback next week.

My recent subject matters are emotionally draining and I've been pretty exhausted for the last week. Still, I'm glad I'm finally getting this stuff out.

CUE, Calyx, PW on order

2005-04-20T12:29:00.000-04:00

I usually buy literary journals and mags one by one, but recently I've decided to actually subscribe. My choices:

CUE: A Journal of Prose Poetry, which is a relatively new journal out of Tucson, edited by Morgan Lucas Schuldt. I'm very excited about this one, because it looks like a unique addition to the journals that I've been seeing out for years.

Calyx: A Journal of Art and Literature by Women, which I can't seem to find in Raleigh right now. I haven't looked at it for years, so I thought I'd try it out.

Poets & Writers Magazine, which I thought I'd subscribe to after realizing how many I had sitting on my bookshelves.

Yay.

A Room of My Own

2005-04-19T16:12:00.000-04:00

My Poetry Books
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

I never thought I would have a reason to say this, but I have a room of my own! Look! Bryan designed and built these shelves for my poetry books, criticism, anthologies, theory, and journals, as well as materials that inspire my writing. They match the Murphy desk that he finished a few months ago.

It is so comforting and inspiring to sit here with writings by all of the poets who inspire me... and my little friends that I placed on top of the shelves. :) Yippee!

My bookshelves and desk are done!

2005-04-19T16:04:00.000-04:00

A Space of My Own
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Bryan finished building my bookshelves and Murphy desk (that can be folded down) recently. I can barely believe this is real. They're so beautiful!

Captain Janeway inspects the local vegetation

2005-04-19T16:00:00.000-04:00

Captain Janeway inspects the local vegetation
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Don't worry: she's not eating the grass. She loves to smell everything and bound across the lawn behind our house. I've never seen her hop so joyfully and freely.

Captain Janeway goes on shore leave

2005-04-19T15:57:00.000-04:00

Captain Janeway goes on shore leave
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Check it out! This is the Captain's favorite spot, right under this little evergreen near our house. One day, she didn't even wanted to hop around; she just stretched out and relaxed under the tree. Boring for me, but nice for her. Next time, I'll bring a book.

Bunny Update #9: Large or X-Large?

2005-03-06T11:04:00.000-05:00

I can barely believe it, but Captain Janeway took to the bunny harness and leash pretty quickly when I put it on her last Thursday. She looked pretty freaked out at first, but soon she was hopping around and investigating the living room. She even stopped, sat down, and cleaned herself a bit, which showed that she felt pretty relaxed. She also crawled under the couch and anchored herself there, as if to say, 'Okay, I found my spot and I'm not moving.' It reminded me of our Tucson days and how she loved kicking her feet out behind her and lying down under the couch.

We were able to go outside, but I held her the entire time. I just sat there and she sat in my lap and looked around. Then, she snuggled up into me, closed her eyes, and just took in the sun and slight breeze.

The only thing is that she needed a larger harness. I got her the Large size and, though it did fit, it only barely fit. I think that's going to be Chakotay's. Janeway needs an X-Large. But hey, she is also extra fluffy and extra beautiful.

Poetry Exercise: Sijo

2005-03-02T12:52:00.000-05:00

Tonight is writing group night with Sharon and Amber. Thanks to http://www.freeconference.com , we write together every week even though we are many, many miles apart.

Some of my blog readers were very excited about the last writing exercise I put up here, so I thought I'd post another one. This one is called the Sijo. It's a Korean form.

You can see some good examples here.
You can read a short definition on a non-annoyingly-busy website here.

We did this on-the-spot last Wednesday evening, which I'm sure is not how they were written centuries ago; but it's fun and it is a good exercise to get your mind thinking in new ways. I ended up writing about guinea pigs and hamsters.

Poet Self-Love

2005-03-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

Saturday evening, Bryan and I went to a get together with the Lucipo gang. We had a lot of fun, got to get to know the local poets a bit better, and and got to see Ken and Kathryn's beautiful house in Pittsboro.

I took more than a few ideas away from the night. One is that UPenn does have an excellent sound site with a load of poetry to download and hear from the poets themselves. Tony Tost had emailed the Lucipos a linke, but I hadn't gone there yet. I spoke to him that night and he talked it up some more; so yesterday, I ended up downloading some Linh Dinh and Stacy Doris.

Another thing I took away from Saturday night is that I'm still a good poet. :) I guess it is kind of difficult writing by myself out here. Or, it has been difficult since grad school. When I'm not doing readings regularly, I think it's hard to remember that I can write poetry well and it's not just some fantasy I've been making up in my head all of these years. He he he. The Lucipos seemed quite moved by my work and I found that very encouraging. The last time I said I was going to Borders to write, I didn't, but today I am going to go out for sure.

The truth is that I should trust my writing group more. I have to remember that one time that made me feel so wonderful. It was about 6 months ago when I brought a new poem to my writing group with Sharon and Amber when I was so taken by what Sharon said. Although I can't remember her exact words, I do remember that she basically said that the poem completely sucked, was a big cliche, and that she couldn't believe I wrote it. He he he. I was so relieved. Suddenly, I thought, they really are telling me the truth when they critique my work. They really will tell me if they think one of my poems is horrible; so, I've got to believe them when they tell me one of my poems is wonderful. I know I shouldn't have doubted them in the first place, but it's always a struggle to really believe in myself.

I still love the poem, though.

On order: Equivalence and Unnecessary Roughness, by Shin Yu Pai. I'm mailing in my order for the first one today and have ordered the other over the internet. I am so excited!

And now for...
My American Idol Picks:
So, I didn't get to see Nikko Smith, because we took too long at the Winn-Dixie last night. From the recap, it seemed like he sounded great. His mustache really bothers me though. It makes him look like a slime.

Anwar Robinson was the best last night. He sang so well and stood out among the others.
Bo Bice: I didn't like the song he sang or the style, but I thought he sung it so well and with such spirit. I think he really knows what he does best and how to show it.
Honorable Mention: Joseph Murena has such great control over his voice. I think he really stood out last night, too.

Anti-picks:
Travis Tucker looked like too much of a player last night. Bryan and I both think that too many people told him he was hot. He was totally flat--probably too consumed with his "dance" moves. I think the judges were lying.
Constatine looked like a wannabe rocker. It was sad to watch. He was trying to do screechy rocker screams, and they just sounded like cars crashing. The hair just will not cut it this time.

Bunny Update #8: The Dirty Butt

2005-02-28T13:00:00.000-05:00

I took Captain Janeway and Chakotay to the Dixie Trail Animal Clinic last Thursday. As could be expected, Chakotay was a very good bunny: opened his mouth wide when prompted, sat pretty patiently while his nails were being trimmed, stayed still while the doctor listened to his little heart and lungs. Captain Janeway, as could also be expected, was difficult to work with. But the vet and vet tech loved both of them.

Captain Janeway and Chakotay "can stand to lose a few pounds," Dr. Brown said. Chakotay is 8 lbs. and the Captain is 8.75. You may remember that the Captain was having a problem with her cecotropes getting stuck to her butt. Well, guess what: Dr. Brown says Captain Janeway may be to fat too reach her butt, and so she can't get the cecotropes to reingest their vitamins.

I feel bad. I thought the bunny haven--with it's 2 stories, the tunnel, etc.--was good enough exercise for the both of them. I guess I was wrong. Their diet must be cut to only 1/4 cup of pellets each per day (down from 1/2 cup) and lots of hay.

So, the bunny harness seems like the perfect solution for all of this. Today, I opened the bunny closet door and let both of the bunnies cautously walk out and smell their immediate surroundings. I put the harness on the floor, so they would get used to having it around. By the end of the week, I hope to at least get Janeway way on the harness and hopping about a bit.

Ice, Idols, and, well, Poetry, of course

2005-02-23T14:24:00.000-05:00

Here I sit at our kitchen table, the North Carolina sun lighting up the room, and my Clay Aiken CD playing triumphantly throughout the house. Yes, Clay Aiken.

I can't believe it's supposed to rain and "icy rain" tomorrow. It's beautiful outside. It feels like it's about 68, the skies are blue and clear. I'm supposed to take the bunnies to the vet tomorrow.

Today, however, I'm going out to Borders to get some serious writing done. I'm writing a review that I want to finish ASAP and try getting published. I also have kept from doing my own writing, since last week I was so consumed with the Chax website, which is look really good now. But before I go...

My American Idol picks:
Janay Castine because she's just so adorable. She was so nervous last night, but she was still good.
Vonzell Solomon: She has a wonderful voice and she was a great performer last night.
Jessica Sierra: She has an awesome voice, and I also just loved the song she sang. I'm not sure how swayed I was simply from the song choice, but I still think she was just really great.
Honorable Mention goes to Melinda Lira, who wasn't great, but I hate what Simon said to her.

I must say that it was more difficult to watch the women perform. I worry a lot about their feelings of self-worth.

Bunny Update #7: The Next Frontier

2005-02-22T17:34:00.000-05:00

It is an exciting day in the lives of Captain Janeway and Chakotay! I've decided to start getting them used to this bunny harness, so that I will be able to take them (or at least one of them) outside for a hop around. At first I thought Chakotay would be the one I would try first, but it really is Captain Janeway who is the explorer. She's much more curious and daring.

Still, we must take small... hops. Right now, I just want to get Janeway (or Chakotay, if he suddenly wants to try it) used to the harness indoors. Stay tuned!

My American Idol picks:
Yes, okay, I watch American Idol. Here are my favorites from last night:
Constantine: I think it's just that I like his hair
Nikko: I thought he was one of the best ones, even though he also kinda sounded like a Stevie Wonder impersonator. Hopefully, he'll be able to find his own style soon.
Mario: I thought his voice and performance was the best last night, though I'm still wondering if I'm getting him mixed up with someone else.

Unnecessary Roughness, by Shin Yu Pai

2005-02-22T15:16:00.000-05:00

Have you read Shin Yu Pai's chapbook, Unnecessary Roughness? It just came out from xPress(ed) Press, Espoo, Finland. If you haven't read it, you must get a copy asap.

On Timothy Liu and spacing out

2005-02-21T16:47:00.000-05:00

After reading Timothy Liu's Of Thee I Sing, I began to think of lists again. I've always admired Liu's work, and at the same time I know I tend to space out half way through a lot of his poems. After reading this latest book of his once, I got to go back in a more relaxed way to look more closely at some of the individual poems. I noticed that I generally spaced out when a poem didn't use complete sentences, even though it used capital letters and periods. I think since it was more difficult for me to follow, my brain just said--Too hard--and checked out. I know--sad, but true. It's a wonder why I can read and love to read some poetry at all sometimes.

So, I've started to write lists with incomplete sentences. There are a lot of subject matters I've wanted to talk about in my poetry, but haven't been able to do it in a way that I would call successful. I've been wanting to write about American politics these days, about my relationship to my body, about a number of things that I just haven't been able to sink into. I think the lists are helping.

I have my teleconference writing group with Amber and Sharon this week. My blog readers seemed to enjoy my mention of the "tanka" poetry form that Amber, Sharon, and I tried a few weeks ago, so maybe I'll post another exercise that we do sometime this week.

Hope for the Flowers and Me

2005-02-20T15:59:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I finally got to go to the Border's cafe to read and write a bit. I brought a backpack full of books: Gizzi's latest, Liu's latest, current Poets & Writer's mag, current Discover mag, Michael Jordan's I can't accept not trying, Trina Paulus' Hope for the Flowers, and my journal. I ended up finishing Liu's Of Thee I Sing, reading some of I can't accept not trying, and actually reading Hope for the Flowers, by Trina Paulus in its entirety. I say "actually" because I read really really really really really really slowly, so it is rare for me to read a book in one sitting. One of the other few times was when I read Stacy Doris' Paramour. Wow, is that book a rarity or what?!

Yesterday, I watched "Grand Canyon". I hadn't seen it for years, but it used to be one of my favorite movies. I think I'd seen it maybe 3 times. Both that movie and Hope for the Flowers are so inspiring. They made me remember how much power I have over my life, how my decisions really matter. I'd been planning on becoming a writing tutor for the Wake County Literary Council for a while now, but I just have not been able to get myself over there. I think I'll drop by this week.

Chax Press: The Big Web Update

2005-02-17T19:50:00.000-05:00

I've been working on the Chax website for many months now--posting book covers, adding more info about us and our books, streamlining it all with templates, and most recently adding the buy feature--and now it's up!

The unveiling of http://www.chax.org : the next generation, as I secretly call it, is here! Buy books, browse books, look at book covers, learn about Chax and its poets. Yes!

Yay. I know I'll be updating and tweaking the site regularly, but now that I have the big update out in the web-wilderness, I feel like I can get back to my writing and reading and writing about reading and reading about writing.

Reading Aloud

2005-02-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

Bryan and I have resumed reading to each other aloud in the evenings. We are continuing with Orson Scott Card's Enchantment, which we're both enjoying. And we also just started reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, one of my all-time favorite authors. It's so relaxing to end the day like this.

Bunny Update #6: Carrot Greens

2005-02-08T14:34:00.000-05:00

I was so excited last night at the Winn-Dixie grocery store near our house when I saw bunches of carrots with the greens still attached! Bryan and I both gasped. Carrot greens are Captain Janeway's favorite food. Chakotay loves them too, but his favorite food is dandelion greens, which we still have not found near Raleigh.

Tomorrow, the bunnies and I will go to the vet. I found a good one that was recommended by the House Rabbit Society. Both bunnies will get physicals and Captain Janeway will get her butt checked out. Poor Captain. I'm not sure what's wrong with her, but the good thing is that she's still eating and drinking like a bunny should.

:: M y T a k e O n :: THE DEER, by Wendy Burk

2005-02-07T13:13:00.000-05:00

The Deer, by Wendy Burk
(Finishing Line Press, Georgetown, Kentucky, 2004)

While reading Wendy Burk’s chapbook, The Deer, I couldn’t help but recall an exhibit I saw at SFMOMA recently: “The Vico Portfolio” by printer, book designer, and typographer Jack Stauffacher. It was inspired by the philosopher Giambattista Vico’s 18th Century text, The New Science. This was all a part of a large exhibition entitled, “Belles Lettres: The Art of Typography.”

Stauffacher prefaces his typographical works with an excerpt from The New Science, where Vico discusses the different ways in which humans understand/misunderstand nature. As I understood it, Vico observed that humans often attempt to understand nature by relating it to the human body, using nature as a metaphor for the body. He suggested that a more fruitful means of knowing nature would be to recognize how much we do not understand it; instead of bringing it into our world, we should go into nature’s world.

In The Deer, Burk allows us to see in a way that is similar to what Vico describes. The natural world is central and the speaker uses her knowledge from the human-made world to reach out and try to understand it. In “Fire Poem,” she uses a human-made object as a metaphor to describe the sound of living beings in nature: “the song of birds like an elevator”. The poems are filled with such wonderment, as if the person were seeing the world for the first time and searching for ways to understand it all. In “Forest Poem,” she tries to understand who she is in the world and what it expects from her:

The light is absolutely still.

The light is always still in a forest

only the trees move under it,

when the sun goes down it seems

it is only the trees closing up overhead.

Why don’t they want you to leave?
Why do they want to keep you here forever?
What do they think you can do?

The speaker’s unique outlook lends a sense of humility to her voice.

Burk is a keen observer and participant in her surroundings. It’s all a bit disorienting, but in a good way, a profound way. Writers so often use nature as a tool to make an image or experience sound more profound than it actually is, or as a flourish to make poems “pretty”; Burke, however, does not take the world around her for granted. “The Deer” is one of those books that has helped me see my place in the world, and my place inside myself, in new ways. I felt a bit misplaced while reading it, yet also more grounded than ever before. Thank you, Wendy Burk.

(excerpts printed with permission from the author)

The Mail: In Contact

2005-02-03T16:48:00.000-05:00

Just received in the mail:

In Contact, by Jesse Seldess

a chapbook printed by Answer Tag Home Press
in Madison, WI

I'm so excited.

Captain Janeway gets some R & R

2005-02-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

BD 18: Captain Janeway again
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Here is a close-up of Captain Janeway in the R & R room, part of the Bunny Dreamhouse.

Bunnies in the Dreamhouse

2005-02-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

BD 19: Bunnies in the Bunny Dreamhouse
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

The Bunny Dreamhouse is complete! This is a 4-room, 2-story bunny wonderland. Look at the round door on the bottom left and you can see Chakotay's white and brown fur. In the round door on the top right, you can see Captain Janeway.

Bunny Dreamhouse Construction

2005-02-01T15:37:00.000-05:00

Bunny Dreamhouse: Raw Materials
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Click on this picture to view the complete construction of the Bunny Dreamhouse!

Swopper: the ultimate chair for bad backs

2005-01-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

I'm having fun with my new Swopper chair. It's been allowing me to sit for longer periods of time--reading, writing, working on the chax website, etc. When I don't have back pain, I think I can concentrate better too. And, since it forces me to have good posture while I'm sitting on it, I notice myself walking with better posture, too.

Bunny Update #5: Cecotropes

2005-01-26T10:14:00.000-05:00

Captain Janeway has been having some trouble with her cecotropes. She seems to not be eating all of hers. I'm worried. I'm going to take her and Chakotay to the vet soon.

Construction of the Ultimate Bunny Box is on the way right now: a 2-story, 3-room, 1-tunnel bunny haven. Pictures to come soon.

CONFESSIONS OF A POET #2:
A few years back, I entered a contest that was being judged by a poet whose work I disliked. I ended up submitting two of my poems that I disliked, because I thought he'd like them. I won.

VISION STATEMENT #3

2005-01-25T13:25:00.000-05:00

Today, I am once again inspired by Lisa Jarnot's blog. Although I wrote another vision statement recently, I haven't been reading it to myself every morning. This was my vision statement from January 14th:

I challenge myself to take in more of the world each day, and reflect that in my writing. I take care of my body, which nourishes my mind. I write for at least one hour per day and read at least one poetry book per week. I ride the stationary bike five times per week. My mind is a pomegranite: difficult to manage, but worth it. My body is a good shoe: durable and comfy.

Right now, I'm going to revise my vision statement to reflect my current situation and what seems realistic to me.

VISION STATEMENT #3
I challenge myself to take in more of the world each day, and reflect this in my writing. I take care of my body, which nourishes my mind. I eat balanced meals and exercise at least 3 times per week. Each time I decide to sit down or go out to write, I know it is a good decision. I read at least 2 books per month. I am focused and determined like G.I. Jane. I keep going and going like the Energizer bunny.

Now, I just have to remember to read this to myself every morning.

First Snow 2005 continued...

2005-01-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

Print
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

This is one of my first steps in snow by our home. :)

First Snow 2005

2005-01-19T15:38:00.000-05:00

Snowy Home
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

This morning, it starting snowing. I've never lived in a place where it snowed before, so I got really excited. I was in my smiley face pajama top and my red and white pajama shorts. I put on a sweater and a jacket over my shirt, put on my black boots, and went outside to take pictures (...yes, in my shorts).

Bunny Update #4: Show Me the Veggies

2005-01-17T10:50:00.000-05:00

Captain Janeway and Chakotay seem very happy to be back home since their vacation to Creature Comforts Inn. Chakotay, especially, seems much friendlier and more relaxed. He often sits near the open closet door, but facing away from it, his feet kicked out behind him. He seems to be using his bunny box more vigorously, tearing away at the phone book inside and having a fun time digging into it.

I'm still having trouble finding a good place to buy their veggies. I get their Romaine lettuce from BJ's, and I sometimes go to the Farmer's Market on the NC State campus to get them cilantro and mustard greens. I can't seem to find their favorites [carrot greens and dandelion greens] anywhere. I also can't find a place to buy parsely at a reasonable price. I think the three of us took the availability of veggies in California for granted.

How to build a bunny box: Get a cardboard box (at least 15"x12"x10") and fill it with fun stuff: an old phone book, junk mail, empty paper towel rolls, etc. Close it up and make two holes in it so your bunny can choose from a few exit and entrance points. Put it in your bunny play pen or living area. Your bunny will be entertained for days.

My Secret Blog

2005-01-14T13:50:00.000-05:00

It all started as a secret. I made a blog and told no one about it. Yes, I wrote a comment on Lisa Jarnot's blog (because it inspired me to start this up again), which had my website address, but I told no friends or family. If you were to google me, yes, you'd find it. But otherwise, I was writing to myself. By now, people have found my blog, linked to it, commented on it, etc.

Looking back on my first post, I realize I'd forgotten why I started this blog in the first place:

1. to record what I've been reading and writing in a (pseudo) public space, so that I feel more of an immediacy to my work and my studies, thereby keeping me motivated, or at the very least simulating the feeling of motivation until I find the real deal
2. to bring a sense of routine to my poet-life, in hopes that this will generate more reading and writing
3. to share wonderful poets and books with anyone who happens to click here
3.5 I also enjoy talking to myself

It seems that I've found my motivation again, I have a routine, and I am generating more writing.
Yay. And I'm still talking to myself. Yay? Therefore, I've decided to revise my vision statement:

VISION STATEMENT 2
I challenge myself to take in more of the world each day, and reflect that in my writing. I take care of my body, which nourishes my mind. I write for at least one hour per day and read at least one poetry book per week. I ride the stationary bike five times per week. My mind is a pomegranite: difficult to manage, but worth it. My body is a good shoe: durable and comfy.

My Writing Group: 10-Minute Tanka

2005-01-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

I never planned on putting any poems up, but we had an especially fun writing group last night, so I thought I'd post these. The exercise was to write a tanka, as described on baymoon.com*, from where we get a lot of our exercises. We had ten minutes. (Amber and Sharon wanted me to emphasize that--only 10 minutes.)

Amber West:

On the sidewalk, a
bird lies dead, blood trails
from beak, pricked finger.
How much more poured from her mouth
when they rolled her body over?

Sharon Reynolds:

clothesline--picturesque
socks in the wind, trousers
pinned up by the cuffs
it's your damn turn to take the
trash out: I did the laundry

Me:

The tiny bird chirps
from the bush near our driveway--
welcome home welcome
I hope we don't alarm her
We slam our doors, slam our doors

FYI, a more complete definition of the tanka.

Amber and Sharon were both a bit lax on the syllable count, but hey: 10 minutes. :) Since the two of them live in San Francisco, we do the writing group via conference call. I'm still amazed at how well it works, but I guess we've known each other for almost a decade now.

*something is wrong with that page on baymoon.com, but just keep scrolling down and you'll find it

The Writer's Block Ends Here

2005-01-12T15:43:00.000-05:00

I've been having a difficult time focusing these days. I was looking through all of the drafts of poems I wrote over 2004, and I found 7 that I felt were completed poems. At this rate, my next book will be completed in... maybe another 8 years, which is how long this first book took. Yes, 8 years of writing. I'm happy with my book (which is coming out from Chax Press in Spring 2005), but now everything has changed.

This is how I've explained my 2 1/2 year writer's block:

First year: recovering from MFA program

Second year: working a 9-5 (or 9-6) job in retail, where I felt I was giving nothing positive to this world, yet I had to pay my therapy bills in order to literally stay sane; at the same time, I could not write about my conflicting feelings about retail work because it would lead to me quickly quitting my job. Closing off a part of my life to writing was a cruel act on my part, though I felt it was necessary at the time. I didn't realize how much it would close me off from the rest of my life.

Last half-year: Well, my writing began to pick up here. Still, I felt like (and feel like) I was/am trying to adjust to the freedom to take in the world around me in the more complete ways I'd known during most of my life. There is something so beautiful about walking down a road lined with yellow-leaved trees, and the line comes into your head: "That time of year thou mayst in me behold/ when yellow leaves, or none, or few do hang/ upon those boughs that shake against the cold/ bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang." I always loved the meter in that last line--where Shakespeare deviates from and then so easily slides back into his iambs. I have mixed feelings about that movie "Shakespeare in Love," but I loved that part where he's walking through the town's streets and you hear lines from different plays come from the mouths of the locals. It was like the poetry and plays were living around him and he just had to isolate them and arrange them for viewing. I used to feel like that, and I'm trying to regain that gift.

Before, I was writing individual poems, not knowing if they'd ever be published. Now that I know my poems could lead to a second book, I don't know what I'm doing. I guess this is good. Change and unrest seem to lead to good things.

In the previous version of "life indefinite," I had this ongoing "Confessions of a Poet" string. I think I'll try that again, because it's fun.

CONFESSIONS OF A POET #1:
I sometimes go to open mics so that I can hear "bad" poetry. Then, I start to believe again that I am a good poet, and that I have something unique to contribute. And I go home and write good... or bad... poetry.

Rabbit Update #3: The Big Bunny Closet

2005-01-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

Captain Janeway and Chakotay came home from Creature Comforts Inn yesterday, after a 12-day vacation. They now reside in the "bunny closet," as opposed to the "bunny room." We have a large walk-in closet downstairs that we cleaned out and bunny-proofed for when my mom came and stayed in the guest room (formerly known as the bunny room). With the new Murphy Bed in that room and the matching night stand that Bryan made, we were a bit hesitant to give it back to the bunnies after mom left. When we also noticed that the bunnies seemed much more at ease in the closet, we decided to keep them there. As in the bunny room, the bunny closet is fully outfitted with its own air filter, marine carpeting, baseboards to protect the molding, and any power cords tucked away from the bunnies' reach.

Captain Janeway seems fine anywhere; Chakotay is the one who really seemed changed in the closet. I got Janeway in Tucson a few years ago, so she's traveled with me a lot. We drove a U-HAUL from Tucson to San Francisco, towing my car. After a year in the city, we moved to Oakland for a short while, which is when we adopted Chakotay, and then to Burlingame on the Peninsula. Every time, Janeway seemed to settle in easily. Chakotay never seemed relaxed, but now that he's in the big bunny closet, he often lays himself out on the floor with his feet kicked out behind him. When I go to the closet to look in on them, Chakotay bounds over to say, "hi," and to get a good petting.

They have a digging box, other toys I made or bought for them, and an open cage where they can lounge inside or on top. I still want to make another platform for them, where they can jump and have a little more exercise space.

New observation: Captain Janeway will come to Bryan to be petted, even if he doesn't have food; she will shake her head in frustration with me, if I try to pet her without food in my hand, and then she hops just far enough away so my hand can't reach her. Chakotay comes up to me to be petted, even when I don't have food; he won't come up to Bryan at all.

Christmas stocking

2005-01-10T17:35:00.001-05:00

Christmas stocking
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Chakotay's treasure

2005-01-10T17:35:00.000-05:00

Chakotay's treasure
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Janeway's Resolutions

2005-01-10T17:34:00.000-05:00

Reflections
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Writing for the New Year

2005-01-05T13:39:00.000-05:00

I'm currently working on a pantoum that won't seem to end. For a few weeks, I was just working on 4 or 5 stanzas. Then, in the past few days, it grew to about 8 or 9 stanzas. Now, it's back down to around 5; I can't seem to decide what to focus on... Ugh.

I just bought Best American Poetry 2004, because it contains a poem from Antennae, which is edited by my friend Jesse Seldess. Bryan and I were just reading Ron Silliman's "Compliance Engineering" and marvelling at it. Lyn Hejinian guest edited this issue.

Writing for the New Year:
For the next month, Bryan and I are starting a strict writing regiment. He wants to get a first draft of his novel written by the end of the first quarter of the year. I would like to begin a new poetry project, which I believe will help me focus. We're planning on writing 5 days a week for an hour each day. Over the next few days, I'll be drawing up some constraints for my project. My plan is to do my normal writing during the day, but during that one hour that Bryan and I sit down, I will have only one set agenda.

New Books: Liu, Gizzi, Burk

2004-12-20T13:27:00.000-05:00

I just got some new books in the mail:
Of Thee I Sing, by Timothy Liu
Some Values of Landscape and Weather, by Peter Gizzi
The Deer, chapbook by Wendy Burk
Asian American Poetry: The Next Generation
and
Mexican Ballads, Chicano Poems, edited by Jose E. Limon

I started reading Of Thee I Sing, and began to remember what Liu's voice is like, his rhythms, etc. I think this will be helpful to me in my recent efforts at writing. About 4 months ago, I was reading Lisa Jarnot's Black Dog Songs, which I loved, but I kept writing poems that had a regular rhythm and that rhymed. It's not something I felt like working with at the time, and though I loved reciting Land and Sea to myself at work, I'm glad those rhythms have left my mind for the time being.

I cannot wait to read Peter's new book. As my first poetry teacher, I'm so excited to see what he is doing now. I'd preordered Wendy Burk's The Deer. I read the first poem, and it was a beautiful surprise. I've known Wendy as a friend and had never read her poetry before this. I guess I was expecting something calmer, like how I felt when hanging out with Wendy and her husband Eric. What I found in this first poem was something daring and dynamic. I'm excited.

I'd heard of this new Asian American Poetry anthology from my friend, poet Ken Tanemura. I also have been enjoying Victoria Chang's (the editor) blog, though it looks like she doesn't have it up anymore, which is quite disappointing. For the past 5 or 6 years, I've really been focusing on reading Asian American poets, since in college I was only assigned one or two to read. I got the Chicano Poems book as a start on a new chapter for me. Now that I feel I have at least a basic knowledge of my history as an Asian American poet (as well, of course, as the history of white American poetry I learned in school), I feel I can branch out more to add to my poetry studies.

As for writing: Besides poetry, I've just started to edit and continue this story that I started writing when I was in the hospital in September 2003. Being a crazy person once in a while isn't so bad when something very creative comes out of it. Just kidding. :| But I'm really excited, because I didn't know I could write fiction. I think I just started off on the wrong foot when I wrote a story in junior high that my mother read and said it was kinda "slow," which to me meant "boring," which to me meant that I should never write a story again. I'm sensitive. But I guess I'm also determined, so I'm realizing that like in poetry, there are certain things that I'm good at and not good at in writing fiction. I need to use what I know to write as well as I can with the skills I have and from the unique way I see the world.

Create-A-Bed Pictures!!!

2004-12-16T14:03:00.000-05:00

bed_open
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

I'm finally putting up some pictures of the murphy bed that Bryan and I made over the last couple of months. Here is a picture of it open, and below is a picture of it closed. I still can barely believe we made it.
My mom slept in it when she visited us a week ago... and she didn't get flipped up into the wall. It's quite secure.

bed_closed

2004-12-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

bed_closed
Originally uploaded by hlnagami.

Here is a picture of the murphy bed that Bryan and I made.

The Importance of Elan

2004-11-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

The horror that I awoke to today upon turning on the television for the election results was not unlike the morning I learned that The Terminator was to be my governor. I'd like to say that he is the reason that I left California, but it's simply not true.

In the face of such adversity and impending adversity, I can't help but think of a quote from a $10 shirt I bought years ago, which read, "Adversity: that which does not kill me postpones the inevitable." I've since thought i grew past that, or at least grew to think that more constructive thinking would be better for me and the world around me. Anyway, but instead of dropping into such despair as when the Governator came into power, I've decided to put some extra fervor into my daily healthy living routine and also think of something more immediately satisfying to do in terms of giving to my surrounding community. I'd been forgetting to read my vision statement, so I read it again today. I love reading my vision statement.

Today, I listened to The Langley Schools Music Project while riding on the stationary bicycle. I also read the entire little booklet included. There were several mentions of the importance of elan ["vigorous spirit or enthusiasm"], which coincided well with Bryan's concept of "spew" that he proposed to me last week to help me get out of my writer's block. I've been having a hard time actually writing what I'd call a poem, because when I set out to write one, I feel it is too easy. When writing poems seems easy to me, I tend to think it's because I'm not challenging myself enough. But Bryan was saying that maybe I need to get through those "easy" poems in order to get to the ones that I really want to write. Maybe these poems are necessary. So, I've just been spewing. I've been spewing out poems and writing. Last night, I forgot about "spew" and I didn't write. Today, I will remember.

Create-A-Bed
Bryan and I are constructing a Murphy Bed for the guest room. Pictures coming soon.

Rabbit Update #2: The Broccolli

2004-10-20T15:09:00.000-04:00

I've been reading my vision statement every day, and I think it is helping me stay motivated and make a healthy routine for my day. Bryan and I talked about workout and weight-lifting plans last week (because we both want to work on keeping our bodies healthy), and I've actually biked Monday, Tuesday, and today.

I also wrote a poem yesterday. My mother's birthday is on Friday, and I'd been planning on writing a poem for her about one of her favorite creatures: the dragonfly. I'd done some web research on them last week, took some notes for the poem, and yesterday, I actually got a good draft out. Maybe write now a more specific audience is necessary for my writing. Or, maybe it helps to write about someone. It's about her. I've also started writing about my grandmother, who died a bit over a year ago. We will see.

I've been listening to a CD of poetry as I use the stationary bike. Today, I listened to this CD, which was the format of the 12th issue of Kenning.

Rabbit Update #2
I think Captain Janeway is not enjoying the broccoli after all. Usually Chakotay is the one known as "poopie-pants," but we noticed that Janeway has been leaving her cecotropes around. [Part of the process of the rabbit's digestive system is extracting the nutrients from their food; "the nutrient-rich material is then excreted in the form of cecotropes (some people call these "night feces") which are eaten directly from the anus by the rabbit and redigested." http://www.rabbit.org .] Anyway, so even though we just bought a giant bag of broccoli from BJ's, I think we're going to hold off on it. Luckily, both Bryan and I like broccoli.

On Rhythm

2004-10-18T18:26:00.000-04:00

Still reading Hillman, but also started a few others. I listened to Alchemical Elegy: Selected Songs and Writings, Anne Waldman's collection of poems on CD. Also, last night, Bryan and I started to read Orson Scott Card's Enchantment. Bryan's already read it, but he wanted to read it again; and so, it is one of the first pair of books we will read together. I've never read a book with anyone before, so this is exciting for me. It was his idea. Now, I just have to pick a book for us, too. I'm thinking maybe one by Haruki Murakami, one of my favorite novelists. But since we can do poetry too, maybe we could finish the Hillman together--I can't decide.

I've been looking for ways to boost my poetry output, and maybe listening to poems on CD is the way for me to go right now. Sometimes the rhythm is all I need, or a word, or a type of syntax, and I can take it from there.

The Deer, by Wendy Burk

2004-10-15T15:02:00.000-04:00

Today, I'm finally sending in my check for The Deer, by Wendy Burk. I'm preordering it through Finishing Line Press. Trying to finish reading Bright Existence, and work on more Chax stuff.

Bunny Update #1

2004-10-13T14:51:00.000-04:00

The vision statement seems to be working; or rather, I seem to be working better with the statement.

I've been frequenting the blog of Victoria Chang for the past few days. It seemed to work out well, as she had a nice quote from Brenda Hillman about Death Tractates (whose companion book I'm reading right now). Hm. Yes, originality.

The funny thing is that I'm feeling really self-conscious about my blog today, even though I still have not told anyone that I have this up. Well, I guess I told the Chax board, but I didn't tell them the name.

Every now and then, I'll give a bunny update. My bunnies are Captain Janeway, a "lilac"-colored mixed lop, and Chakotay, an English spot. One day, I will add a picture of them here.

Bunny update #1: Today, Captain Janeway tried broccoli for the first time. She took to it much more quickly than the celery I introduced her to yesterday. I was surprised. Chakotay also took to it quickly, but he seems to just love everything there is to eat; also, I don't know if this is the first time he's had it, since he's adopted. I'll be looking to make sure their stool remains healthy with these new additions to their diet. I know, I should add them one by one, but I'm impatient.

So far, Captain Janeway's favorite foods are Romaine lettuce, carrot tops and carrots. Chakotay's favorite foods are dandelion greens and dandelion greens.

I am Mighty Mouse. I am a little hacksaw

2004-10-12T13:10:00.000-04:00

Lisa Jarnot had a particularly upbeat blog entry today. Her September 19th entry (the part about vision statements) was actually what made me think of restarting my own blog, getting a routine going and sticking to it throughout the week, and just making conscious choices that would help me transition into Raleigh.

After talking to Dr. Geary yesterday, I realized that I was asking too much of myself to think that I should have a routine going already--I've only been her for about a week. Lots of times, Dr. Geary has to tell me to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself. Last night, Bryan and I had a wonderful discussion, which also helped me get into a more positive, self-loving state of mind. It's truly amazing how having one person who truly believes in you and can express it in a way that makes sense to you can make you be Wonder Woman, or at least Mighty Mouse.

So, today, I will try my hand at a vision statement. And I must remember that it doesn't have to be perfect, and it's not going to be, and that is not the goal anyway. It is a "working" statement. Here it is:

My Personal Vision Statement

I love my writerly self. I wake up in the morning knowing that I am a poet and I can write good poems. I am a wonderful rabbit caretaker, whose rabbits are happy with the cleanliness, spaciousness, and stimulating environment of the bunny room, and also with the food I provide for them. Each morning, I wake up and eat a breakfast that includes at least 3 food groups. I do yoga 3 times a week for half an hour. I exercise with Bryan two or three times per week. I journal write for at least 5 hours per week, and I read for a total of 10 hours per week. I write one poem a week, just for practice. I do one crossword puzzle per week, because I like them. I also watch at least one episode of Voyager per week, because I like it. I sit with the bunnies whenever I want to and they love that I come sit with them. I am a loving and caring girlfriend, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, and sister-in-law. I am strong and good like Mighty Mouse. I am small, but tough, like the little hacksaw I used to cut PVC piping.

Yay, I feel much better.

Coelho, Hirahara, Hillman, Hello

2004-10-08T10:36:00.000-04:00

I had to shut down my old blog because I ended my earthlink service when I moved. So, here I am again. Do I like it? I don't know. I've decided to start this up again for the same reasons I did the previous one: to record what I've been reading and writing in a (pseudo) public space, so that I feel more of an immediacy to my work and my studies, thereby keeping me motivated, or at the very least simulating the feeling of motivation until I find the real deal; to bring a sense of routine to my poet-life, in hopes that this will generate more reading and writing; and also to share the wonderful poets and books with anyone who happens to click here. I also enjoy talking to myself.

Currently, I'm reading two works of fiction and one work of poetry. For a while, I was only reading the two pieces of fiction. I needed something that felt more linear. I was having trouble organizing my thoughts, and thought reading a more straight-forward novel would help. I'm about half way through both Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist and Naomi Hirahara's Summer of the Big Bachi. They complement each other well in that Coelho's book provides all the universal language and dreams of a beautiful fable, whereas Hirahara's book focuses specifically on the Japanese American communities in LA. Summer of the Big Bachi contains so many little details that I relate to, and that remind me of home, my family, and my history.

The book of poetry I'm reading right now is Brenda Hillman's Bright Existence. I read Death Tractates a few months ago. Both--amazing.

I have a Chax Press board meeting today, so I think this will be the end of this morning's entry. I'm off to read and write a bit before I call in.